Imaginary Children I: How I Would Paint the Future

fixed media piece

Written after Dia and I found out that our last round of IVF had failed, meaning we will not have more biological children. This piece – made remotely during the COVID2020 Lockdown – ruminates on the feelings of isolation and sadness stirred by this experience (and heighted, of course, by the present moment). The video is made up of videos of our son Ezra but, crucially, without ever seeing his face. This is a reflecting on the unknown, the child’s face we will never see. But, at the same time, it is an acknowledgement of the blessings we do have with him (this is especially true for me in the moments his voice appears). This element is reflected in the joy that sometimes inexorably bubbles up to the surface of the music.

A strip of horizon and a figure, seen from the back, forever approaching – Lisel Mueller

Ausias Garrigos & Horia Dumitrache, Clarinets
Kit Downes, Piano
Brian Archinal, Bass Drum
Aaron Holloway-Nahum, Composition, Mixing, Post-Production and Video